SPBURKE

It’s been kind of weird this last month, which is why I haven’t updated this very much.  I kind of went through a minor existential crisis and am still getting over it.  Normally this is the kind of stuff you talk about on a blog, but either I’m still not comfortable talking about those sorts of things or I just haven’t gotten used to it.  Even when I had my old Livejournal account I never talked about myself very much, and didn’t feel right when I did.  How odd is that?  A person on the internet a lot who DOESN’T share every single thing about himself.

What I WILL say about my minor existential crisis is that it was basically a never-ending onslaught of negativity on my part.  All of a sudden I hated everyone and everything seemed stupid and pointless to me.  I didn’t even find joy in things I previously loved.  And the crazy part is I finally reached a point where I just bottomed out on misery, which had never happened to me before.  I reached a point where literally the next morning I thought “I don’t feel like being cranky any longer.”  I had to cleanse my palette with cups of tea and Buster Keaton movies (how can I hate a world in which a man like that could exist?).

And the conclusion I came to in all of this?…Cynicism is for suckers.

Little preview for you guys, I was preparing the script for this October’s “Eddie Van Helsing” sequel and inserted a brief section in the beginning where I poke fun at the tenets of nihilism.  It was especially fun for me to write because, quite honestly, I loathe nihilism.  I despite it.  It seems to me one of the laziest philosophies ever created.  It barely even qualifies as one.  “Life is meaningless so do…whatever.”  Yea, what a great belief structure.  Even when you’re at your lowest and nothing seems to be going right, that doesn’t mean there isn’t beauty in the world or enjoyment to be had.

I reached a point this last month where I had started to dwell on everything that wasn’t going right with my life.  If I AM to make posts about myself here, I’d like them to be about the things going RIGHT.  So what has gone right this year?

I had a gangbusters time at C2E2, where I got to see my favorite comedian, meet some people I really respect and enjoy, and break even for a convention table for the first time in my life.

I got to see the greatest city in America for the first time and see my favorite band live FOR FREE on top of it.

I got to head back to Minneapolis and attend some bitchin’ Rapture Parties with old friends, and get a great plug from a prominent webcomic artist.

And I finally released my first graphic novel, which for all its flaws I put together completely myself, which is an accomplishment in itself.  And I have over 50 pages ready for the next one.

So am I where I want to be?  No, not yet.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not getting there.